im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
