I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
