you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
