Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
