We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Randomize
