franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
