1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
