maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
