i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
you win again, gameday.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
how does that bad decision feel?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
