There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
