Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
