We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize