Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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