It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
