I forgot how hot balto sounded
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina