my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
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He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
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I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.