please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
