From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
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After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.