good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home