WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
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our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
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How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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