chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
