I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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