captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
My boob is missing a layer of skin
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
