I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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