can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize