what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
