We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
