I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
