Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
