i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
tonight lets celebrate not being married
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
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I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
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I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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