so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
