I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Randomize
