you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize