I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
