Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
