I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
