I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
