Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
