He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
