I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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