So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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