i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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