Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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