omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
bring money and cleavage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
where are you?
Hypothermia
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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