i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
This toilet bowl is my home.
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