I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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