Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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