I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
