just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
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Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
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in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
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