She's JV to your varsity
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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