is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
