grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
