holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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