just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
