I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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