Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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