Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
