I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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