Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
