Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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