You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
