Is it normal to miss your booty call?
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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