Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
