I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
