possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
