Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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