Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
