you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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