dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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