yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
You took a bar mat shot.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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