She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
