look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
