why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize