i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I just want to make out with him forever
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
