the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
