am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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