bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
