there was a trapeze. enough said
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
